X = Intuition, Y = Logic, and Z = One Big Ass Sucker Consumer With Disposable Income

I'm quite a techie runner. I'm so bad that I can't start a run until I get a capture from all the satellites on my GPSHRMMOOD ring. When I see that flashing 'X' over the satellite icon, I cringe. I have to go inside until the skies part allowing technology to prevail. Yes, I'm THAT bad. Accordingly, you can call me the run'n'geek or the gadgetman or how about Dr. Gadgetgeek? No? Ok, I'll settle for just Geekerrun'r. I'm contemplating writing a running gadget column from time to time in a local newspaper or any publication owned by the Rodale Gestapo. I would call it "Science on the Run" or just "The Gadget Guy" like the "Shoe Guy" in RT. I hope the Shoe Guy won't get mad at me for borrowing the 'guy' part of the title. As you can guess, I own all the contraptions and all the gadgets. A lot can be gleaned by staring at X and Y charts. If you throw in a 3rd axis, Z, it gets better. Staring at an XYZ chart where X = time, Y = pace and Z = HR, you can figure out that the harder you run, the more the things creep up the chart in pretty much logical step functions. Amazing! Go science go! So you can imagine my expression when I found out that the Ascetic company allows you to download software for free from their website. I own their Ascetic brand WatcherXNiner(TM) watch and recently replaced the battery on it. I downloaded the software and downloaded the graph for you to view of my progression run yesterday. I'm amazed at how much I learned from it. Because it's from the Ascetic company, it's done in the Ascetic-chic style so that's why it's kind of messy. I hear that Ascetic employs a monkey to fling shit at their products and that they also use a random generator with some secret chaos theory function* to throw in 'dirt', 'salt stains' and 'stringy boogers' chaotically on their apparel. There's all sorts of conspiracies with Ascetic. They are like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory in many ways. I don't think they have Oompa Loompas but I wouldn't be surprised. Anyway, this here gadgetrun'r is digressing. Here's my workout thanks to Ascetic's AWESOME charting software. Note the new RUNR HappyFace(TM) technology. When you get to certain levels of 'hard', you will note that Ascetic programmed in a face that is supposed to tell you your mood. I hear they are working at incorporating a 'power' song that will play a different song depending on your RUNR HappyFace(TM). I think I would choose Bloodsimple's "Straight Hate" for my 'call out to mama hard'(TM) level. I hope you all learn as much from this as I did. (Click on the image, b/c Ascetic's imaging coding needs improvement.) *Rumor has it, Jeff Goldblum's character in Jurassic Park, Dr Ian Malcom, has been working on this chaos theory generator. He was expensive, but what else do you expect from a company that names itself Ascetic? Do you think they are all about the bottom line? Huh? C'mon this is all about the proper mix of Tolstoy asceticism with science--greed be damned!